Living is Learning

I haven't written anything since October and today is March 1. I'm not quite sure why I quit writing, but I'm pretty sure that somewhere in the process of returning to the working world and trying to find my way back into my hometown, expression just became less important. During my commute I have a lot of great ideas, but nothing to capture them so they are lost. One of the recurring themes that have bubbled up in my brain over the last few weeks is that of experience.

When I was young, I studied people. Most of you know that I am an only child and solo kids are generally thought to be anti-social and awkward. To compensate for not having siblings, I was forced to make strong friendships. I watched people. I learned what they did that was successful and I observed their failures. Instead of creating a path, I quietly studied those around me to decide what I would like to be like.

For the longest time I was relatively convinced that I was completely insane. When I went to college, I studied Psychology. It was at this time that I decided that most college students (there are always exceptions) are attracted to fields that challenge them. If you were a psych major, you might be crazy... get it?

Anyway, this belief hasn't faded much as I have spent more time being hurdled around the sun. I wasted far too much time obsessing about my madness. I took up meditation and yoga as an attempt to slow down. After I graduated, I continued to drift accepting many completely diverse job offers, when I could, and creating a resume that looks abstract at best. When viewing my work history a skyview is essential. It is only then that you can see where the commonalities exist. It wasn't until I was thirty that I decided that everyone was crazy (not just me after all) and that it was a waste of my time to spend one more second worrying about it. So there it is... I wasted 30 years of my life worried that I was crazy.

I have since enjoyed a few more trips around the sun. I am starting to truly accept that there is nothing new, period. It may be packaged a little differently, but all of this amazing new technology is just a rearranging of old components. Here is my life as I see it. It may have taken me a while, but eventually I have learned to accept myself, faults and all. Now there is a new challenge being placed before me. Can I do more than just accept myself? How does one truly express self-love? Most of us are our own worst critics. What will it take to convince us to give ourselves a break?

The next stage of my life will be focused to moving beyond acceptance and destruction of the self. Until I feel the pull to another pursuit, I will be trying to not only accept my madness, but to embrace it. I will be me to the full extent of being me. I will refuse to accept limitations, and I will try to enjoy every last drop of life that is offered up to me. My challenge is to myself because at the end of the day you always have to sleep with that same person. My request to you is that you help keep me honest. If you catch me taking myself too seriously, help me snap out of it. This is just a ride and if you take it too seriously you'll never get out of this life alive. Hopefully, someone will read this and realize that they have spent too much time in their own comfort zone and decide to break out on their own as well. If you do, you are welcome in my little bubble of a world anytime you would like to visit.

My only regret is that I didn't capture this feeling while it was fresh. Writing it down now feels canned and predictable. When it was flowing into my head, it feld fluid and fantastic. I wish you all the best that life has to offer and I hope that you wish me the same.